Before motherhood, maybe you painted.
Or danced.
Or stayed up late talking about dreams that had nothing to do with diaper brands and snack schedules.
Maybe you had big plans — for your career, your creativity, your life.
And now?
You dream of going to the bathroom alone.
Of drinking a hot coffee.
Of feeling like… you again.
If you’ve ever looked in the mirror and wondered, “Where did I go?” — this blog is for you.
The Identity Shift No One Warns You About
Motherhood is beautiful, yes. But it’s also all-consuming.
It doesn’t ask you to change — it insists on it.
Psychiatrist and author Dr. Alexandra Sacks coined the term “matrescence” to describe the emotional, physical, and psychological transformation of becoming a mother — a journey as profound and complex as adolescence.
But unlike adolescence, there’s no roadmap.
No rite of passage.
No space carved out to honor the identity shift that’s happening inside you.
So you’re expected to hold the baby, hold the household, hold your emotions — and still hold onto who you used to be.
It’s no wonder so many mothers feel like they’re disappearing.
You’re Still You… But Changed
Motherhood can tilt your entire axis.
Your center of gravity shifts.
Your priorities reorder.
Your sense of time, body, and identity all stretch to make room for someone else.
And sometimes, that shift brings grief.
Grief for the freedom you once had.
Grief for the spontaneity, the creativity, the unstructured time.
Grief for the parts of you that feel like they’ve gone quiet.
But that grief? It’s not selfish.
It’s not wrong.
It’s human.
Why It’s Okay to Miss the “Old You”
Let’s be clear: Missing the person you were before doesn’t mean you love your child any less.
It means you are a person. With a history. With desires. With dreams that stretch beyond bedtime routines and car seat buckles.
Dr. Shefali Tsabary, clinical psychologist and author of The Conscious Parent, writes:
“We can honor our children while still honoring our own evolution. We’re not meant to vanish inside motherhood.”
You are still becoming — and you’re allowed to want more than survival.
How to Start Reclaiming Yourself
This isn’t about “getting your old self back.”
It’s about meeting the new you — with kindness, curiosity, and care.
1. Ask: What still brings me alive?
Even if it’s only for 10 minutes a week — read something just for pleasure.
Write without an agenda.
Stretch to music that makes you feel.
Walk, paint, sing, journal.
These are not luxuries. They are ways back to yourself.
2. Make space for ‘you’ without guilt.
You don’t need to “earn” rest, solitude, or self-expression.
Taking time for yourself doesn’t subtract from your family — it sustains you for them.
Your child doesn’t need a mother who is always available.
They need a mother who is fully alive.
3. Rebuild your village.
Find people — even just one person — who can hold space for your full truth.
The friends who won’t flinch when you say, “I love my kids, and I also miss who I was before them.”
Connection isn’t just support — it’s mirroring. It helps you remember who you are.
4. Celebrate the new version of you.
You are not who you were.
But who you are now?
She’s stronger.
Softer.
More complex.
More capable.
She’s growing.
And she’s worthy of celebration.
A Loving Reminder
The you who dreamed?
The you who made bold, wild plans?
The you who laughed with her whole body?
She’s not lost.
She’s evolving.
Motherhood doesn’t erase you.
It expands you.
But it’s okay if it takes time to feel whole again.
You are allowed to want more.
To need space.
To be both a mother and a woman becoming.
So come home to yourself, slowly.
With tenderness.
With grace.
With the knowing that you are still in there — and always have been.
Supporting Facts:
● Matrescence, coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael and popularized by Dr. Alexandra Sacks, is now widely recognized as a valid psychological transition — much like adolescence — involving shifts in hormones, brain function, identity, and relationships.
● Research from Yale and Columbia shows that maternal identity evolves over time, and that reconnection with personal values and interests increases maternal well-being and resilience.
● Studies show that mothers who maintain a sense of personal identity and receive social support are less likely to experience postpartum depression and are more likely to report satisfaction in parenting and personal fulfillment (Nelson et al., 2014).